The Marriage Marker
If I told you a dry erase marker saved my marriage, would you believe me?
You better not!
Ok, so it wasn’t the marker.
It was the Holy Spirit, obviously.
But, once upon a time, someone gave us a black dry erase marker. They told us to put it in our bathroom drawer and wait to see what would happen.
And something happened, friend.
Something fun. Something fresh.
We started leaving each other little love notes. And scripture.
Needless to say, a pack of dry erase markers is always #1 on my newlywed shopping list.
Let me just start by saying that in no way do I consider myself “worthy” of writing a blog post about marriage.
There are so many days I fail so badly as a spouse. As a daughter. As a leader. As a friend.
Gosh I’m the worst friend some days.
And just the. worst. wife. ever.
Like I have no right to write about “marriage advice,” cause I still have so much to learn.
B U T J E S U S .
He is just so patient with me.
He doesn’t expect me to give marriage advice. Anyone can give advice and opinions, but it isn’t all truth.
Thank goodness the truth has already been written (spoiler alert: it’s the BIBLE!)
Everything we need for life and godliness has been written for us. For our marriages, our friendships, leadership.
The Word is life-giving and it will give us all of the marriage tips and advice we could ever need.
I feel like I should also say that there’s no need to think our marriage was on the “rocks” or anything of the sorts.
Everything was fine. But do we want to settle for fine when the Father has extravagance and abundant life waiting for us on the other side of our trials?
He had so much joy waiting for us on the other side of that valley. So much good waiting for us on the mountain top.
He used that little marker to breathe new life into our marriage, almost 13 years deep.
He used His Word to speak truth back into our lives.
As I’ve written openly about before, the Spirit recently woke me up from a rather long spiritual drought…so many years spent in that valley. And I fell into the trap that so many of us do, much to the enemy’s liking - the further I felt from the Father, the less time I spent reading His Word. The less time I spent in prayer. The less time I spent with people who would speak truth into my life. The enemy wants nothing more than to create a divide, a moat, between us and God.
B U T J E S U S .
Whether we’re in that place of isolation for a month or ten years, He is ready. He’s waiting. He runs to us. Embraces us. Wipes our tears.
And every moment spent in His Word is a moment spent with Jesus.
So, that’s what we did. We went back to the truth.
The Father used a dry erase marker and His Word to renew our marriage and remind us of the TRUTH!
That He is the only one who can satisfy us. (John 6:35 TPT “Jesus said to them, ‘I am the Bread of Life. Come every day to me and you will never be hungry. Believe in me and you will never be thirsty.’”)
We will never find our complete satisfaction in one another. That place is reserved for Jesus alone. My husband is human, just as I am. Thank GOD we aren’t expected to take the place of the Only One who was able to live a perfect life on earth!
That everything we’ve done and have yet to do to hurt one another has already been forgiven. (1 John 1:9 TPT “But if we freely admit our sins when his light uncovers them, he will be faithful to forgive us every time. God is just to forgive us our sins because of Christ, and he will continue to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”)
I can’t count the number of times I’ve failed my husband. How many times I’ve disappointed and wronged him. I’m grateful for the blood of Jesus everyday that covers every sin I’ve committed and those I’ve yet to commit.
That every disagreement will either lead to reconciliation or divorce. (Ephesians 4:32 ESV “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”)
And since divorce isn’t even an option (and it’s always been off-limits to threaten one another with this in our marriage), then that means every argument will ultimately lead to forgiveness and reconciliation. Please know that if you’ve gone through a divorce, the Father loves you and so do I. In no way am I trying to trivialize this topic, or apply shame to anyone’s situation. We are confident that the Father can make good out of every situation. We’ve seen firsthand all of the good He can do!
That even Jesus - GOD in human flesh - humbled himself, so how much more should I humble myself before the Lord and before my husband? (Colossians 3:12 TPT “So robe yourself with virtues of God, since you have been divinely chosen to be holy. Be merciful as you endeavor to understand others, and be compassionate, showing kindness toward all. Be gentle and humble, unoffendable in your patience with others.”)
This visual of “robing myself with the virtues of God” brings me to my knees. The next few verses describe what His virtues are, what His character is like. He’s holy. Merciful. Compassionate. Kind toward all. Gentle. Humble. Not offended. Patient. Forgiving. I’m humbled when I think about all of the times I’ve clothed myself in these virtues with strangers, then turned around and glorified myself, instead of Jesus, in front of my husband. GoodNESS! Father, humble me. Break me!
Compiled by Caroline Harries of In Due Time
(This handout is currently hanging on our bathroom mirror and we’re praying these declarations over one another several times a day.)
I am united with my husband as one flesh. What God has joined together, my husband and I will let no one separate. (Mark 10:9)
A cord of three strands between my husband, myself, and God will not be broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:12)
Everything I choose to do will be motivated by love. (1 Corinthians 16:14)
I will choose to love the LORD my God with all my heart and with all my soul and with all my strength. I will put God first, my husband second, and my family third. (Deuteronomy 6:5)
With the love I received from God, I will love my husband. (1 John 4:16)
I will be humble, gentle, and patient with my husband. (Ephesians 4:2)
I will devote myself to my husband in love. I will honor him above myself. (Romans 12:10)
I will be kind to my husband, tenderhearted, forgiving him, just as Christ forgave me. (Ephesians 4:32)
If you made it this far, number one: you’re awesome.
Number two: I most likely won’t be writing a blog post next week. I have a date with Jesus in Arizona and I want to leave some margin in my life to be able to just listen and soak up what He’s teaching me.
I know no one will be sad that there isn’t a new post next week, but if you read this far, you might be one of my faithful readers. Ha!
Sooo…see you in a few weeks, friend.